Stop It. 20 Steps To Becoming A Better Man

#1 Stop wearing Old Spice – I know it’s technically “deodorant”, but the reason why no one sat by you at ‘The Hunger Games’ is because you smell like a combination of old age and Big Red chewing gum. Degree is a much wiser choice.

#2 Stop thinking about buying those skinny jeans – Listen, the lower half of a man’s body was not made for such intimate display, it was made for boot-cut jeans from Gap. Stop it.

#3 Stop wearing white belts – Unless you’re a professional golfer from England who is currently on the golf course, stop it.

#4 Stop watching Hockey – Each time you turn on a Hockey game, the people who show Hockey games make more money. And the more money these people make, the more slots Hockey highlights take up on Sportscenter’s Top 10. So Stop it.

#5 Stop drinking Bud Light

#6 Stop acting like you hate Facebook – Let’s be honest, Facebook is awesome. You know it and I know it.  So stop treating it like ‘The Fray’, save that for Pinterest – it’s an all-girls treehouse and it sucks.

#7 Stop making profiles for yourself on Pinterest

#8 Stop eating so much fast food – No one wants you to die.

#9 Stop wearing those Beats by Dre headphones at work – The truth is, you’re not 19 years old and you don’t play college basketball.And you’re not walking into the arena as the cameras roll. Your Ipod earphones suit that Excel spreadsheet much better.

#10 Stop using the auto-tune app on your Iphone – I’ll admit, it was kinda cool the first time. But seriously, stop it.

#11 Stop getting Henna tattoos at the beach – We all know you went on vacation, you told us 19 times. There’s really no reason to rub it in with that temporary awesome sun design on your shoulder.

#12 Stop playing ‘Modern Warfare 3’ – Listen man, you’re like 37. You should be pushing your kids in a stroller, or tending to your lawn. There’s a reason the Chinese person talking trash in your headset sounds so young, and it’s because he’s 12 and doesn’t have any responsibilities.

#13 Stop shaving your chest hair – Be proud of it, it’s a part of you and it couldn’t look cooler. And if you don’t have much chest hair, or maybe just one, think about naming that chest hair. It brings it to life.

#14 Stop trying to do P90X again – Let’s be honest, 90 days is a long time to work out. But there’s no shame in giving up. The right amount of chest/body hair can hide any undefined or underdeveloped muscles.

#15 Stop everything and watch more ‘House Hunters International’ – There is perhaps no greater suspense than watching a couple choose between 3 houses in another country. Will they go for the fixer-upper by the beach? The condo on the golf course? Or the over-budget villa in the city? Well, you’ll just have to watch.

#16 Stop taking baths – There’s nothing more disgusting than a person soaking in their own filth. However, it’s 75% more disgusting when that person is a man. Stop it.

#17 Stop using those floss things at dinner – I’m not saying flossing isn’t important, but after I’ve enjoyed the Outback special at my favorite steakhouse, the last thing I need to see is what your food looks like after it has been between your teeth. Wait until you’re in the car, your wife loves that stuff.

#18 Stop buying shoes at the Shoe Carnival – I know the décor is exciting and it’s kind of like being on Wheel of Fortune, but there’s a reason that together your 3 pairs of shoes cost $22 dollars, and it’s because they’re K-Swiss. Stop it.

#19 Stop defending the last Indiana Jones movie – It was terrible.

#20 Stop acting like you don’t watch ‘American Idol’ – There’s no shame in it, those people can sing. But please, don’t vote at the end of the show, especially not from your bathtub.

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17 Comments on “Stop It. 20 Steps To Becoming A Better Man”

  1. Taylor
    April 30, 2012 at 6:49 pm #

    This is amazing!

  2. Bubba Bullock
    May 1, 2012 at 3:42 pm #

    1. Don’t hate on Old Spice, if it was good enough enough for 2 generations of Jack, it’s good enough for me. Plus degree? Isn’t that specifically made for women. If we’re going for an alternative, the manliest choice is clearly Mitchum (“so effective you can skip a day” but don’t please)
    2. jeans from the Gap? Honestly, what self respecting man goes in the Gap? Those better be Lee or Levi’s your wearing.
    3. Yeah, don’t wear a white belt, or any color that isn’t black or brown. Unless it’s a reptile skin.
    4. Hockey. yeah it really is bland. It should be awesome, but I don’t wanna watch Ice in May.
    5. Bud light sucks, but it’s better than no beer at all. do what ya gotta do.
    6. You’re right.
    7. What is Pinterest?
    8. It is fast, conveneint, and pretty tasty. Plus, not everyone has someone cooking for them.
    9-14. Spot on.
    15. Why are you watching HGTV? Seriously, no man watches a video on how do things. we just do things.
    16. Some of us don’t have a hotub, drinking beer in a bath is as close as we get. But yes, please shower.
    17. Who flosses? isn’t that what toothpicks are for?
    18. Don’t knock on the shoe carnival. Where else can I buy shoes that aren’t boots?
    19. Terrible movie, anything George Lucas has touched after 1986 has sucked.
    20. What man watches Idol? (except for the auditions, that part is hysterical) Isn’t there Australian rules football game on anywhere? Shouldn’t you rotate your tires or restring your fishing pole?

  3. May 1, 2012 at 5:57 pm #

    All good points Mr. Bullock. I’ll try to explain myself.
    1. Degree makes deodorant for both sexes, much more versatile than Old Spice. Plus, it doesn’t make you smell like you already have body odor when you put it on, which is a claim that Old Spice can’t make. Also, I may have worn the Degree women’s deodorant for several years of my life without realizing it was for women. One day I will write a post about it.
    2. I have nothing against Lee or Levi’s jeans. I just prefer to buy my jeans in stores that don’t also sell refrigerators.
    3. Preferably snake skin
    4. Would be better if you could actually see the puck.
    5. Do what ya gotta do.
    6. Thanks
    7. I have no idea
    8. I don’t disagree, but still, it will most likely kill you.
    9 – 14. Thanks
    15. House Hunters International is fantastic.
    16. I have no issue if it’s followed up by a shower where the filth goes down the drain instead of marinating back into your skin
    17. Zero cavities last time I went to the dentist.
    18. I’m a little bit of a shoe snob. I have a problem.
    19. Agree.
    20. I watch American Idol while rotating my tires. It’s pretty crazy.

  4. curtisrrogers
    May 1, 2012 at 6:33 pm #

    Bubba, I have major issues with your number 19, both Last Crusade and Willow were made after 1986. Post a formal apology or be blocked from this site.

  5. Bubba Bullock
    May 2, 2012 at 3:16 pm #

    Dear TTAF, I officially apologize for my unbridled assualt upon George Lucas, He didn’t actually start sucking until after 1989. Next time I will double check my facts when making blind accusations.

  6. Michael Burchett
    May 3, 2012 at 10:47 am #

    First of all, good blog…all of you guys. I have enjoyed reading the first few posts. Now, a few counter-points:

    1) This is the exact same thing as “Gillet.” Both are owned by P&G and the ONLY difference is marketing and a few of the scents…and price points.

    4) Hey now, Hocky is a legitimate sport…that I don’t always watch because of where I live and availability, but nevertheless it is just as legitimate as any other sport…and probably more “manly” in the traditional sense of the word…and after all this post was about being a better man.

    6) I love Facebook…but what I don’t get is people that say they hate Facebook but continue to be on Facebook. Actually I wrote a blog of mine own defending Facebook:

    15) Watched an episode once…not sold on it, especially under the category of “this is one of the things that will make me a better man”

    20) Same as 15

  7. May 3, 2012 at 1:33 pm #

    Thanks for the comment Michael, you make some good points.
    1) Stop wearing Old Spice is really a comment to myself, and may or may not be a note that I keep on my refrigerator to remind myself why no one sat next to me at ‘The Hunger Games’
    4) I agree that hockey is a legit sport with incredible athletes. And it is manly. I just can’t tell what’s going on. And men weren’t made to throw punches while wearing ice skates IMO.
    6) Facebook is terrific
    15) I like to think of it as traveling the world without paying for plane tickets. I’m pretty adventurous. Also, my wife loves watching HGTV, so I can travel the world while being a good husband, (cough), a better man.
    20) I agree it’s not for everyone. All I’m saying is that if you do watch it, there’s no shame in admitting it.

  8. Brooks Martyr
    May 7, 2012 at 3:33 am #

    Why is hockey on here. I understand not liking it when your idea of a sport requires just standing there 75% of the time, but hockey is definitely in the top 3 manliest sports on earth. Fastest sport, harder hits with thinner pads, fighting, requires more skill and athletic ability, and every player grows an epic beard during the playoffs. So yeah, if you don’t like hockey you probably drink lattes with soy and have to sit down to pee too.

  9. May 7, 2012 at 9:42 am #

    First of all, I named my son Brooks, so even though you accused me of having to sit down to pee, you’re still alright in my book. I’m almost certain that if I actually attempted to play hockey my opinion would change. However, I’m 100% certain that I would 1) make a fool of myself 2)die. I agree that it’s manly and requires incredible skill and athletic ability, I would just rather see dunks and diving catches on SC’s top 10 instead of guys fighting on skates or a glove save. Also, how’d you know about the soy?

  10. May 7, 2012 at 1:09 pm #

    this is excellent… really excellent. but i will not, i cannot, support the boot cut jean, unless you actively participate in rodeos. straight, and narrow without being slim define a man’s true pair of jeans.

    that said, ive never seen american idol, or hgtv, and i don’t have a t.v., but i think i actually murmured an audible ‘amen’ to 9-14. so well played, i like this. cheers

  11. May 7, 2012 at 4:49 pm #

    The fact that you don’t own a TV makes you more of a man than all of us, Ed. I may have to change my position on the boot cut jean now.

  12. Brooks Martyr
    May 8, 2012 at 4:13 pm #

    No offense intended personally. And Brooks is a good name? Brooks Robinson? I was bound to get a badeball name, my grandpa played for the Cubs. I get the diving catches on the sc top 10 but dunks are not that interesting. In fact you can count on one happening at least once a minute during a game. Fights on skates, while difficult, is not as common as one would think. I’m not that into them but it’s better to get the aggression out than turn it into harsh words and acting out off court or field. But the speed and skill it takes to put a tiny puck past a goalie into a 6 foot net is amazing. And the ability to track it and stop it with moving distractions in he way is more so. Not to mention how classy and gentlemanly hockey players usually are off the ice. Have you ever seen one get into trouble or in the media for anything outside of a game?
    The rest of the list is great but this one is off a bit. There are reasons Canadians are so nice. one of them is because the athletes they idolize live up to a higher standard of manliness.
    The rest of the list is great by the way. And about the soy… I’m watching you from the bushes outside. Bad choice on the rattan furniture.

  13. Brooks Martyr
    May 8, 2012 at 4:14 pm #

    There shouldn’t be a question mark after name by he way. IPads can be a pain for stuff like this.

  14. May 9, 2012 at 10:12 am #

    Brooks is a great name. That’s interesting about hockey players being some of the classiest athletes, I’d never thought about it that way. Also, I can’t help it – I have a weakness for rattan. Thanks for reading!

  15. Anonymous
    May 24, 2012 at 1:50 pm #

    Swing and a miss


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