How To Not Like Sports by Jake Barker

Administrator’s Note: Jake sent us this post a long time ago and we have been holding it for this week.  For those of you who are not aware, this week marks the beginning of college football, probably the greatest sporting season of the year.  With that in mind, you need to know the information below.

In the interest of full disclosure, I love sports. I often border on obsessing over sports. So maybe this should be titled, “What guys that love sports want the guys that don’t love sports to know.” But that’s way too long of a title. Maybe you’re a guy that did not grow up around a rabid fan base. Maybe you’ve forgone sports fandom for the finer things in life like…well I don’t know what. Occasionally you’ll find yourself amidst sports fans watching a sporting event. Here are some thing to keep in mind.

#1 Don’t Pretend: Sports fans loathe nothing more than a guy that pretends to know what he’s talking about. Try to avoid all technical terms. Referring to a touchdown as a home run will not end well for you

#2 Ask Questions: Believe it or not, guys love showing off how much they know. We try to do this with our girlfriends and wives all the time but they just don’t care. Any guy will jump at the chance to explain the intricacies of a 3-4 defense or press zone.

#3 Don’t Quote Skip Bayless: I know he’s on ESPN. I know they give him a platform. Not everyone with a microphone deserves it. They let Steven Tyler judge on American Idol, don’t they? They put Skip on TV for everyone to hate. Don’t follow along with his Tebow-love or LeBron-hate.

#4 Don’t Buy a Jersey: Technically this should go for everyone. If you’re not playing in the game, you don’t need a jersey.

#5 Stay Away from the Favorites: If you’re from Minnesota but you root for Duke we know a lot about you.

#6 Never Play Devil’s Advocate:  I know it will get you attention. It also might get you hurt. If you ever feel the urge to praise Eli Manning in the city of Boston, don’t.

#7 Don’t Point Out How Much Money Professional Athletes Make: Sports fans are self-aware. We know the hypocrisy of paying athletes eight figures and school teachers five figures. We choose to ignore those facts. Don’t bring them up.

#8 Sit Back and Relax: Sports fans look really stupid when rooting on their favorite teams. Their arms flail and they accidentally cuss. They take it way more seriously than the athletes in actual competition. It’s the best people-watching available. Enjoy.
 
 
 
 

About The Author

 

 
Jake is a pastor at Traders Point Christian Church in Indianapolis, IN.  He lives and dies with his faith, family, the Red Sox and Kentucky basketball, you will have to ask him about the order (joking). You may recognize him from TTAF posts such as this one, or this one.

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Categories: Ground Ball Democracy, Guest Posts, Lists

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